I just cannot keep up with my stuff here, I have gotten way too attached to my journey, which is private.

But today has been nice. So happy I started spring break early, and I am doing good in school for the most part. I pretty much have straight A's and a fucking D in math which is bullshit, but ya know what are you going to do? Other than school there has been a lot of things on my mind. There is a lot going on in life right now mentally, I guess. I am at that point where I am growing up, but letting go of my childish ways is hard, and luckily I don't have to let those thins go yet... but definitely growing up. I mean this grown up shit all feels familiar, but I just got to really embrace freedom and having not a care in the world, and it is so nice. However, I think the thing is learning to grow up and still have fun with it. To not lose that part of you that is fun and a child, just got to be mature about it. And I think I got most of that down pat, but it is still hard not to be childish about certain situations.  I guess it is for all of us though.. And I swear I am rambling again. Haha, I swear that is what I use xanga for rambling. What do you call this writing.. yeah I am writing a stream of consciousness. Ha, look at that literary term. But lets continue this pointless ramble. There is a lot I am going through right now. A lot of things changing within my life, and it is a lot to take in and fully comprehend. Things are just changing in ways I cannot even explain or find words to put with it. Just craziness. I am still doing the damn thing though, haha, and I guess that is what matters. In fact I am with Beller and Macklin right now. Been with them all day and I have been extremely content with that. It is great haha. So let me get back to that. Or go write some poetry. Hmm either or.

I have gotten so use to writing in my private journal that I seem to forget to come to Xanga. But I would like to say that I am doing extremely well. I am so happy, and I mean happier than I have ever been, just so filled with satisfaction. I am more confident, more trusting, just an all around better person I feel. I mean it is true. You make me better. And I know this all sounds just great with all the butterflies floating through my stomach, but this feeling of satisfaction and solid ground is so foreign. It is very uncomfortable sometimes. Always ready for the worst, but it is always the best... ? What? I am just extremely confused, or not confused but this warmth, I have never felt it before. It upsets me really. It is very hard for me to embrace this unknown thing. So I guess it is true whether it is bad or good we are more comfortable with what we know. Whether it is right or wrong.

All I can say right now is I HAVE SUBS :]

I am so fuckin exctied.

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And the music goes on.. even louder!

I gotta learn to pay attention in class, but all I want to do is write meaningless thoughts, and words. I have nothing to really complain about... well I do but I do not feel like complaining. I even have things to rejoice about, but I do not feel like rejoicing. I feel like staying stuck right here. Right in this seat, as I look at the screen in class to watch this interview where I am really lost in my own world. I look at this interview while I type. My eyes on the overhead screen, my mind lost. It is quite nice even though I know I am not getting away with this with my professor. Ha, I cannot out smart this man, or at least I do not think so... hmmm. Ha, just kidding. I swear sometimes when I right I wonder who I am talking to other than myself. My writing are always so conversational, ha.Well I know one thing, I want to go back to Raleigh for one reason. Well more than one, but there is definitely one major one, and that is where my head is lost. Stuck in that room, in the moment, in the idea, in the uncertainty. I hate uncertainty, but I hate rushing. Ew, this sucks, but this is way better. I think.. I honestly do not know. I guess we will find out by the outcome of invents. I hope my friends are right.

So I have been busy x100 lately. Just non-stop.. So I am going to try to but my thoughts together the best I can so I do not get off on to one of my rants again considering I only have 30 minutes before I have to turn in this project, shower, and go to work.

Good News:

I saw Asking Alexandria, All That Remains, and 2 other bands on Monday with Castro, Taylor, Macklin, and Kevin. It was funny, it was a relief, and we met some cool people there.

I am weeding the bad out of my life. So that means goodbye to some pretty close people.

Halloween weekend went pretty damn well.

Bad News:

Three of my friends in Greensboro went to the hospital Tuesday.

My mom is upset with me, other people are upset with me.. kinda leaving me stuck in what I should do. Either way I will feel bad, and either way I don't win.

But I just realized I cannot update everything here I am not trying to put others lives out here in public. So that will be it for now, and it is make to the private journal.